Do I Regret Having a Deaf Boyfriend?

Date

she said it’s best to eat it quickly so we’re gonna eat it right now thank you E: wow It’s light E: hmm light and fluffy exactly. not too sweet hey guys a Sign Duo here and today we’ll be answering another question we got what’s the question? so we have a good question from emily_grayzo and she asked, “Ellen has anyone said to you that you’re better off dating a hearing guy instead of a deaf guy?” wow well I understand the question like why people would ask that but I mean nobody has I don’t think anyone actually has asked means like directly oh, really? that exact question maybe people feel nervous to ask E: mmhmm they don’t want to ask people have said things that kind of suggest that they try to like ask me like some questions that are more R: indirectly E: indirect yeah indirect and more just to get a feeling of how I feel about it if I would be feel like offended or not I actually had deaf people ask me the same thing too why are you dating a hearing person when you can date a deaf person? it’s more easy because I had to figure out how to communicate with her not just her but her whole family think about that when we first started dating we didn’t have to worry about that but after eight years together I had to consider her extended family too how to communicate and all of that people ask me sometimes about that how do you communicate? How do you interact with her family? because we’re in a deaf and hearing relationship there is a communication barriers in the beginning There was one when we started dating I didn’t know any signs so we had to I have had to learn sign language and we had to learn to communicate between each other but that’s like the same with all cultures right like all languages and there are people who are dating between like between?https://www.romancescams.org/dating-apps/best-chinese-dating-sites/ between? what’s the sign? there are people who are dating between cultures? R: oh, interracial?

E: right yeah or intercultural? either one intercultural, yeah the immersion of two cultures mm-hmm I see Deafness as a culture and Hearing as a culture R: that’s a good way to look at it E:it’s I mean we live in 2020 now people are used to intercultural relationships, but not a lot of people are aware of the fact that Deaf have a culture too so I just see it that way so before people didn’t like seeing an Asian and a white person together but now people are more used to it because people are more aware and I see the same way with Deaf people as Deafness is just a culture so if a person asked you that exact question in person what would your answer be? I would say no I think it’s such a deep question that I just wouldn’t have time to explain it just basically, no I wouldn’t be better off with the hearing guy why? because it’s not about being hearing or being deaf it’s about, I found Ryan and he happened to be deaf did you ever… feel like, maybe I’m better off dating a hearing person… like anytime we fought about communication did you ever feel that way? I’m not going to get offended if you have ever felt that way because I think it’s important that you be honest share your feeling so people can learn I mean of course of course there are things in our relationship that are problematic because of you being deaf and me being hearing It’s just different how we handle things how we communicate we have to put a lot of effort into into working on that communication to have a good relationship but I see that other relationships have their own problems too It’s just hard because our relationship R: our is not one that I can go ask a friend like, “how do you handle this?” you know?

she said it’s best to eat it quickly so we’re gonna eat it right now thank you E: wow It’s light E: hmm light and fluffy exactly. not too sweet hey guys a Sign Duo here and today we’ll be answering another question we got what’s the question? so we have a good question from emily_grayzo and she asked, “Ellen has anyone said to you that you’re better off dating a hearing guy instead of a deaf guy?” wow well I understand the question like why people would ask that but I mean nobody has I don’t think anyone actually has asked means like directly oh, really? that exact question maybe people feel nervous to ask E: mmhmm they don’t want to ask people have said things that kind of suggest that they try to like ask me like some questions that are more R: indirectly E: indirect yeah indirect and more just to get a feeling of how I feel about it if I would be feel like offended or not I actually had deaf people ask me the same thing too why are you dating a hearing person when you can date a deaf person? it’s more easy because I had to figure out how to communicate with her not just her but her whole family think about that when we first started dating we didn’t have to worry about that but after eight years together I had to consider her extended family too how to communicate and all of that people ask me sometimes about that how do you communicate? How do you interact with her family? because we’re in a deaf and hearing relationship there is a communication barriers in the beginning There was one when we started dating I didn’t know any signs so we had to I have had to learn sign language and we had to learn to communicate between each other but that’s like the same with all cultures right like all languages and there are people who are dating between like between? between? what’s the sign? there are people who are dating between cultures? R: oh, interracial?

Dating

E: right yeah or intercultural? either one intercultural, yeah the immersion of two cultures mm-hmm I see Deafness as a culture and Hearing as a culture R: that’s a good way to look at it E:it’s I mean we live in 2020 now people are used to intercultural relationships, but not a lot of people are aware of the fact that Deaf have a culture too so I just see it that way so before people didn’t like seeing an Asian and a white person together but now people are more used to it because people are more aware and I see the same way with Deaf people as Deafness is just a culture so if a person asked you that exact question in person what would your answer be? I would say no I think it’s such a deep question that I just wouldn’t have time to explain it just basically, no I wouldn’t be better off with the hearing guy why? because it’s not about being hearing or being deaf it’s about, I found Ryan and he happened to be deaf did you ever… feel like, maybe I’m better off dating a hearing person… like anytime we fought about communication did you ever feel that way? I’m not going to get offended if you have ever felt that way because I think it’s important that you be honest share your feeling so people can learn I mean of course of course there are things in our relationship that are problematic because of you being deaf and me being hearing It’s just different how we handle things how we communicate we have to put a lot of effort into into working on that communication to have a good relationship but I see that other relationships have their own problems too It’s just hard because our relationship R: our is not one that I can go ask a friend like, “how do you handle this?” you know?

I don’t know many people who are in deaf and hearing relationships we did a drive thru video recently and so many people said why doesn’t she – E: yes! That is a big problem. Well not a big problem but that’s the other thing in a deaf and hearing relationship everyone assumes that I’m his personal interpreter that’s not true that’s not true so it really comes really this is the basic answer to that question we’re together because of us we’re not together because I’m deaf and she’s hearing that’s not the reason when I was reading the comments I saw that people said “why didn’t she order for you if problems happen” okay first of all I’m my own person I should be able to order myself without any help people think that deaf and hearing relationships only work because of the hearing person but no, that’s not true let me clarify, she tends to order in the drive thru because it’s easy and fast easy in that video, I told her, let me do the video myself I’ll order myself it can be a very sensitive thing being a hearing person in the Deaf world – where where is the line where it’s okay to step in and speak behalf or a deaf person or when is it better to just let that deaf person go through what he’s going through and I’ve seen that secondhand being with Ryan for so long R: firsthand E: firsthand? oh I saw it firsthand but I’m not experiencing it R: it’s a firsthand experience but I like see it happen and it’s unfortunate R: awww that’s why we make these videos because we want to change that R: hold on E: awww E: you gotta take a video E: aww baby so I see it firsthand how how people can treat Ryan and of course I care about him and I want to defend him in that drive thru video I was- if you guys can’t see I was burning up inside with anger I wanted to say something but I respected that Ryan Ryan did not want me to get involved and that’s important in our relationship I think, yes!

I think that’s really important in a Deaf and Hearing relationship is to know when to let that person handle the situation so when we went through that drive-thru I could have easily said something but that wasn’t my place to say anything if he asked me to than I would and the fact that they didn’t treat him well that’s just the reality sometimes it’s tough but that’s what happens and I I can’t get I can’t interrupt his relationship with other people if he doesn’t want me involved and my answer is of course no I wouldn’t be better off with a hearing person I think Ryan is his own person of course I see that your deafness has given you these experiences that have made who you are R: “experiences” “experiences” as you saw in the last video “experiences” I don’t know if it’s because of those experiences or not but you just are a great person inside R: thank you and out of course inside R: thank you. you are too so the way I see it is that it’s not being deaf or hearing it’s who he is that I fell in love with R: love you please leave a comment if you have other questions or share your personal experiences please leave a comment yeah, thank you guys for watching the video until the end and I want to say that a lot of people still don’t know to put the closed captions on so it there are closed captions for sign language and for me speaking English I hope that answers your question it’s a really hard question to answer right yeah why is so hard for people to believe we’re in love I don’t know like why does deafness have to be a part of it it has not really it doesn’t have anything to do with it not even in the beginning? no never? never! I mean that was just the way people described you oh, that DEAF GUY! that DEAF GUY! see you next time love you guys. See you guys next time Sign Duo OUT!

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