How to Handle a Partner Who is Selfish in Bed

in a Relationship

If this actually does segue to the next question, which is a tweet from Becca. “My boyfriend has a habit of being selfish in bed. I want to bring it up, but I’m not sure what to say. How can I get him to share the love?” Relationships are all about reciprocity, though, right?

So give and take. Compromising. And if you’re finding yourself in a relationship where there’s always just one-sided.

That’s not really a relationship at all, to be honest with you. If that is the case, I want you to think about a few different elements. Know that when you are loving someone, you can express that in different ways. It doesn’t always have to be sexual, right?

Everything is not always about sex. People love differently. There’s love languages out there, right?

Back to the communication piece. State what you desire very intentionally. If you want more or less of something in the bed, say it. What’s wrong with that.

You have to. There is a chance– Know what you want, too. That means exploring your body.

That’s very true. So, you have to know what you want so you can communicate it to him. Nobody will know, when they hit that button, more than you, when you hit that button. You’ll be like, oh, that’s the button. And then you can tell him where it is, so he doesn’t have to look for it.

I wanna ask you this too, because I think there are some people out there thinking I really love my significant other and I feel like they’re trying their best. When they’re done maybe they’re sweatin’. They give it their all, but it’s not quite what you were hoping for.https://www.wired.co.uk/ How do you have that conversation?

I think that’s a very candid conversations to have. It can be a little rough sometimes, because no one wants to know that they don’t have good sex, right? No one wants to say, “Oh you’re bad in bed.” Like that (mumble) (laughing) But you wanna be nice to him. You do want to be nice to them.

But at what point, like no one just overnight has bad sex, right? So either it was a progressiva thing or they’ve always been horrible in bed. Something to consider. I’m going to say something from the male perspective.

Never overtly tell your man, “You’re bad in bed.” I said be nice. He’ll never recover. He will never recover. It gets back to… I’m not a therapist but I know you tell a man that and he will never have confidence– Their ego (laughing) Take that!

It has to be more along the lines of, getting back to what you were saying, “Hey why don’t we try this?” And coach him. And if he’s not coachable… Wait. But you have to coach him in a way that he doesn’t know he’s being coached.

That’s right That’s exactly right. That’s the key. Oh you must have been a little tired today. (laughing) Don’t say that, don’t write that down. (laughing) You must have had a tough day at work today. All right let’s do one more quick question.

This is a tweet from Kevin. “Is having an online relationship considered cheating if I’m not doing anything physical?” [audience] Yes! That’s it. Everyone, that was a resounding yes. If you’re in a committed relationship and you find yourself looking for some type of emotional or connection outside of your relationship then that is a huge red flag.

We know that cheating looks very differently in relationships. Because people always assume that’s it just the physical. You have to have sex, and that’s considered cheating. But there’s emotional affairs that are out there.

If this actually does segue to the next question, which is a tweet from Becca. “My boyfriend has a habit of being selfish in bed. I want to bring it up, but I’m not sure what to say. How can I get him to share the love?” Relationships are all about reciprocity, though, right?

So give and take. Compromising. And if you’re finding yourself in a relationship where there’s always just one-sided.

That’s not really a relationship at all, to be honest with you. If that is the case, I want you to think about a few different elements. Know that when you are loving someone, you can express that in different ways. It doesn’t always have to be sexual, right?

Everything is not always about sex. People love differently. There’s love languages out there, right?

Back to the communication piece. State what you desire very intentionally. If you want more or less of something in the bed, say it. What’s wrong with that.

You have to. There is a chance– Know what you want, too. That means exploring your body.

That’s very true. So, you have to know what you want so you can communicate it to him. Nobody will know, when they hit that button, more than you, when you hit that button. You’ll be like, oh, that’s the button. And then you can tell him where it is, so he doesn’t have to look for it.

I wanna ask you this too, because I think there are some people out there thinking I really love my significant other and I feel like they’re trying their best. When they’re done maybe they’re sweatin’. They give it their all, but it’s not quite what you were hoping for. How do you have that conversation?

I think that’s a very candid conversations to have. It can be a little rough sometimes, because no one wants to know that they don’t have good sex, right? No one wants to say, “Oh you’re bad in bed.” Like that (mumble) (laughing) But you wanna be nice to him. You do want to be nice to them.

But at what point, like no one just overnight has bad sex, right? So either it was a progressiva thing or they’ve always been horrible in bed. Something to consider. I’m going to say something from the male perspective.

Never overtly tell your man, “You’re bad in bed.” I said be nice. He’ll never recover. He will never recover. It gets back to… I’m not a therapist but I know you tell a man that and he will never have confidence– Their ego (laughing) Take that!

It has to be more along the lines of, getting back to what you were saying, “Hey why don’t we try this?” And coach him. And if he’s not coachable… Wait. But you have to coach him in a way that he doesn’t know he’s being coached.

That’s right That’s exactly right. That’s the key. Oh you must have been a little tired today. (laughing) Don’t say that, don’t write that down. (laughing) You must have had a tough day at work today. All right let’s do one more quick question.

This is a tweet from Kevin. “Is having an online relationship considered cheating if I’m not doing anything physical?” [audience] Yes! That’s it. Everyone, that was a resounding yes. If you’re in a committed relationship and you find yourself looking for some type of emotional or connection outside of your relationship then that is a huge red flag.

Flirting

We know that cheating looks very differently in relationships. Because people always assume that’s it just the physical. You have to have sex, and that’s considered cheating. But there’s emotional affairs that are out there.

And we have to be cautious of that too. Oh the playing field is totally different now with phones and — Social media. Social media, internet. I mean, a lot can go on there. Oh yes.

Sliding in someone’s DM is a thing. Well, and sharing pictures, and all that kinda stuff. I mean okay maybe it’s not direct physical contact, but… Actually, people know frequently.

If you’re having a conversation in your head trying to figure out if you’re cheating, not cheating. You probably shouldn’t be cheating. And I always say if you’re in a healthy relationship if you can’t do it or say it in front of your significant other, you probably shouldn’t be doing it or saying it.

Probably should not be doin’ it at all. Can I ask a question? Absolutely. I was thinking about this last question about meeting someone online and having a relationship with them. If it gets to that point where your significant other is having an emotional relationship with someone else online and your communication is so broken.

Does there come a point where you just say ‘You know what? We can’t even communicate enough to keep you offline from flirting with other people.” How do you know when to throw in the towel? I tell people all the time to exhaust all avenues before throwing in the towel, whether you’re married or just in a committed relationship, you want to say, ‘I’ve tried everything in my human ability to make it work. Because you don’t wanna get into a relationship or end a relationship with all of these shoulda, coulda, wouldas.

I should have. You want to exhaust all avenues. You make sure you do that. We could go all day with this.

We’re gonna try word association. We need to bring you back.

How to Handle a Partner Who is Selfish in Bed

If this actually does segue to the next question, which is a tweet from Becca. “My boyfriend has a habit of being selfish in bed. I want to bring it up, but I’m not sure what to say. How can I get him to share the love?” Relationships are all about reciprocity, though, right? So give and take. Compromising.

And if you’re finding yourself in a relationship where there’s always just one-sided. That’s not really a relationship at all, to be honest with you. If that is the case, I want you to think about a few different elements. Know that when you are loving someone, you can express that in different ways.

It doesn’t always have to be sexual, right? Everything is not always about sex. People love differently. There’s love languages out there, right?

Back to the communication piece. State what you desire very intentionally. If you want more or less of something in the bed, say it. What’s wrong with that.

You have to. There is a chance– Know what you want, too. That means exploring your body. That’s very true.

So, you have to know what you want so you can communicate it to him. Nobody will know, when they hit that button, more than you, when you hit that button. You’ll be like, oh, that’s the button.

And then you can tell him where it is, so he doesn’t have to look for it. I wanna ask you this too, because I think there are some people out there thinking I really love my significant other and I feel like they’re trying their best. When they’re done maybe they’re sweatin’. They give it their all, but it’s not quite what you were hoping for.

How do you have that conversation? I think that’s a very candid conversations to have. It can be a little rough sometimes, because no one wants to know that they don’t have good sex, right? No one wants to say, “Oh you’re bad in bed.” Like that (mumble) (laughing) But you wanna be nice to him.

You do want to be nice to them. But at what point, like no one just overnight has bad sex, right? So either it was a progressiva thing or they’ve always been horrible in bed. Something to consider. I’m going to say something from the male perspective.

Never overtly tell your man, “You’re bad in bed.” I said be nice. He’ll never recover. He will never recover.

It gets back to… I’m not a therapist but I know you tell a man that and he will never have confidence– Their ego (laughing) Take that! It has to be more along the lines of, getting back to what you were saying, “Hey why don’t we try this?” And coach him. And if he’s not coachable… Wait.

But you have to coach him in a way that he doesn’t know he’s being coached. That’s right That’s exactly right. That’s the key.

Oh you must have been a little tired today. (laughing) Don’t say that, don’t write that down. (laughing) You must have had a tough day at work today. All right let’s do one more quick question. This is a tweet from Kevin. “Is having an online relationship considered cheating if I’m not doing anything physical?” [audience] Yes! That’s it.

Everyone, that was a resounding yes. If you’re in a committed relationship and you find yourself looking for some type of emotional or connection outside of your relationship then that is a huge red flag. We know that cheating looks very differently in relationships. Because people always assume that’s it just the physical. You have to have sex, and that’s considered cheating.

But there’s emotional affairs that are out there. And we have to be cautious of that too. Oh the playing field is totally different now with phones and — Social media. Social media, internet.

I mean, a lot can go on there. Oh yes. Sliding in someone’s DM is a thing. Well, and sharing pictures, and all that kinda stuff. I mean okay maybe it’s not direct physical contact, but…

Actually, people know frequently. If you’re having a conversation in your head trying to figure out if you’re cheating, not cheating. You probably shouldn’t be cheating. And I always say if you’re in a healthy relationship if you can’t do it or say it in front of your significant other, you probably shouldn’t be doing it or saying it. Probably should not be doin’ it at all.

Can I ask a question? Absolutely. I was thinking about this last question about meeting someone online and having a relationship with them. If it gets to that point where your significant other is having an emotional relationship with someone else online and your communication is so broken. Does there come a point where you just say ‘You know what?

We can’t even communicate enough to keep you offline from flirting with other people.” How do you know when to throw in the towel? I tell people all the time to exhaust all avenues before throwing in the towel, whether you’re married or just in a committed relationship, you want to say, ‘I’ve tried everything in my human ability to make it work. Because you don’t wanna get into a relationship or end a relationship with all of these shoulda, coulda, wouldas.

I should have. You want to exhaust all avenues. You make sure you do that.

We could go all day with this. We’re gonna try word association. We need to bring you back.

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