Why Your Boyfriend Wants A Threesome.. And What To Do About It – Ask Mark #41

What do you do if you know that you’re going to like a guy way more after sex and should you then delay sex? What does it mean if your boyfriend asked for a threesome for both you and your relationship? How do you turn down a coworker without things being awkward?

And if you like your friend, you tell him and it’s not reciprocated, how do you get the friendship back? Welcome to Ask Mark. It’s week 41 and we’re here with some really cool questions this week. Make sure you subscribe, hit the big red button, join the Facebook group and let’s get straight into this week’s questions cause they are good ones.

The first one is from Elphina and she says, hi Mark. My boyfriend is asking me to have a threesome with him and another girl. I refused it but I can tell he is disappointed.

Why is he asking me this question? Does this mean that I’m not giving him enough on sex? Has he lost interest in me or has he lost interest in me? Should I have to agree on this in order to not make him cheat in the future? No, you definitely should not have to agree Elphina.

You definitely don’t want to be doing this if you’re not comfortable with it. So something like this ruined a lot of relationships. Occasionally it works, but you absolutely do not move from one little bit have to do this if it’s something you’re not for. With threesomes, if either partner is not for the idea, then the idea gets nerfed. But I do want to talk about what’s going on a bit here because to be fair to your boyfriend, he’s done something that takes some courage.https://uggpascherfo.com/pc/kfc-is-apparently-creating-a-colonel-sanders-dating-sim/

He’s come to you and he’s basically said, Hey, I want to add some variety into our relationship and in our sex life. What do you think of bringing someone in? And to his credit, there’s a lot of men that just go have sex with someone else.

Unfortunately, infidelity is a thing and a lot of men who want variety but are too ashamed to ask for it, are too scared to ask for it. We’ll just go and do it. So credit to your boyfriend for having the courage to at least bring up the topic and ask the question. Elphina what he’s really asking for here is variety.

And in the Why Men Cheat video, I talk about the different reasons why men wander and, and the different needs that are not being met that can fuel it and in this case this conversation is important for you because it signifies that one of his needs for variety is currently… It’s a bit shaky and this is valuable information for you because if this conversation now just gets turfed away, forgotten about, he’s going to be sitting there thinking about it. He’s probably going to ask you in a year or so.

He’d probably going to keep fantasizing picturing other women. He’s probably going to be having these fantasies ongoingly because I’m not sure how old you are and how long you’ve been together. If this is you and your photo, you do look quite young as well, which means that there’s a lot of relationship time ahead of you. So you want to address this rather than just push it away.

I would be very much having a conversation with him and I’d be talking about variety and what you can do to create more excitement in your relationship because that’s what he’s asking for here. That’s the reality and it’s totally fair for you to say no, I’m not comfortable with that. But you do have to consider his needs as well and have a chat with him.

Has the relationship changed since you guys got together? Right. A lot of relationships fall into a rut after a year or two. It’s like you’re sitting on the couch, you’re watching TV, you’re not doing the exciting things.

Forget sex. You just not doing exciting shit in general. Have a chat to him about that and you can literally say, Hey look, you know when you asked me the other night, I know you’re a bit disappointed and I’m, you know, I’m guessing that you want more excitement and variety maybe not just in, in the relationship but in, in life in general.

And you know, I was thinking about the way we’ve changed over time. We are spending a lot of time on the couch or we are doing not doing as much as we used to. You know, let’s get some of that sh*t back.

Let’s make this exciting and Elphina, I’d be definitely looking to make sex more signing in ways that you can so you might not want to bring in another woman but you can say, look I, I may not be another woman but I reckon we have some pretty good sex and I want to do some, some extra kinky sh*t with you. What would you like to do? Where would you like to try?

What would your fantasy be? Get to open up about stuff he wants to do. Maybe outdoors sex or some bondage play or there’s all sorts of fantasy of role play that there’d be all sorts of things and I’m sure your boyfriend would love to try with you and if he’s wanting more excitement, I reckon he’s going to be really keen and open to that stuff. Watching you pleasure yourself. There’s all sorts of things that I’m sure he would love.

So you can’t be another woman and you can let him know, like, look, honestly, if this is something you really want, if you want to explore something with someone else, you can go and do that. You just can’t do it with me. You can’t do it with me as your girlfriend.

But in most cases, when you say that to a guy, he’s not going to go, Oh, okay, well I’m going to go do that. The fact that you say that goes, no, no, no, I don’t. I don’t want another one.

I just, you know, I want that feeling of excitement? You go, great. What’s your f*cking fantasy? Let’s let’s do something crazy. And building that excitement with him into your relationship, not just in sex, but in everything that you do.

Couple of little add ons. Uh, if you are keen for the threesome, and this probably doesn’t apply to you Alphina, but if you’re out there, your boyfriend’s asked you this and you’ll go, you know what? I’d like to add some excitement. Let’s do it.

Make sure you do set some ground rules. It’s easy to ruin a relationship when this sort of thing happens. So make sure you set some rules, whatever, whatever you’re comfortable with, make sure you set those rules.

And you know, one thing I always encourage is asking your boyfriend, okay, I’m willing to be open to this idea, but are you also willing to be open to the idea of having one with a man? Personally, I’m a big believer what’s good for the goose is good for the gander. And if a guy wants a threesome with another girl and you want to give that to him and you’re an open-minded type sexually and you’re going to be able to handle that, great. But you also have, if you want it the right to ask for a threesome with another guy, that is perfectly reasonable and that might just make him rethink whether or not he actually wants the threesome or not. But he might be totally open to that too.

So a couple of important suggestions there if you are going to bring a threesome into your relationship. Next question’s a good one. And look. It’s a great question but I’m not gonna lie. The real reason I picked this question was this beautiful avatar.

If you know what it is, comment below you are my new favorite subscriber. Let’s get into it. Stacy says, Mark, what do I do if I know that after having sex with him I will be a lot more attracted to him and therefore I will feel so much more pain if he leaves me afterwards.

Do I just not sleep with him until I know for sure my feelings are returned? PS we’ve dated for a month now and we’re on our fifth date coming up. This is a great question, Stacy and this obviously comes from the how to avoid being used for sex video where we talk about having empowered sex on your terms for the right reasons and keeping your standards in place. And look, the first thing that stuck out to me, Stacy, is something that a lot of women struggle with. You’ve got to be able to apply your standards in the same way after sex.

You are going to like someone more after sex so are men as well. The vasopressin that men have when they ejaculate. That release will connect him to you. It can take more time.

It’s sometimes not as powerful, but men do have this effect as well, but you’ve still got to be able to apply your standards despite the feelings that come on because as I’ve said in previous videos, if you’re, if you’re holding a guy to your standards, you’re willing to walk away, if he really betrays you or disrespects you and then you like him so much, that willingness to walk crashes and then you’re no longer willing to leave after sex, then the dynamic is going to change after sex that guy’s going to respect you less. He’s gonna feel less urge to chase you and the dynamic is going to shift. It will become a self fulfilling prophecy.

You still have to be able to put your standards in place after sex you still have to be holding that guy to the same standard. Still asking yourself, is this guy right for me? I know I feel like I like him more now, but I’ve got to look at is he, is he putting in effort into me? Is he respecting me?

Does he have the things that I’m looking for? You’ve still got to be thinking all these questions, is this guy right for me? Rather than going, Oh, how do I win him and keep him now that we’ve had sex? The other important point here, Stacy, which I think is, is fundamental is outcomes and outcome dependency. If you are dependent on someone else’s action, something someone else does for your own happiness, then you are always going to be a potential victim in that situation because you’re relying on something that’s totally outside of your control.

If a man’s actions after sex will always determine your happiness or sadness about the sex, then you’re always going to be at risk of feeling a hell of a lot of pain because you can’t control someone else’s actions. I talk about internal validation a lot and doing things for the right reasons. How can I enjoy my sexuality for me rather than seeing it as something I’m used for?

What do you do if you know that you’re going to like a guy way more after sex and should you then delay sex? What does it mean if your boyfriend asked for a threesome for both you and your relationship? How do you turn down a coworker without things being awkward?

And if you like your friend, you tell him and it’s not reciprocated, how do you get the friendship back? Welcome to Ask Mark. It’s week 41 and we’re here with some really cool questions this week. Make sure you subscribe, hit the big red button, join the Facebook group and let’s get straight into this week’s questions cause they are good ones.

The first one is from Elphina and she says, hi Mark. My boyfriend is asking me to have a threesome with him and another girl. I refused it but I can tell he is disappointed.

Why is he asking me this question? Does this mean that I’m not giving him enough on sex? Has he lost interest in me or has he lost interest in me? Should I have to agree on this in order to not make him cheat in the future? No, you definitely should not have to agree Elphina.

You definitely don’t want to be doing this if you’re not comfortable with it. So something like this ruined a lot of relationships. Occasionally it works, but you absolutely do not move from one little bit have to do this if it’s something you’re not for. With threesomes, if either partner is not for the idea, then the idea gets nerfed. But I do want to talk about what’s going on a bit here because to be fair to your boyfriend, he’s done something that takes some courage.

He’s come to you and he’s basically said, Hey, I want to add some variety into our relationship and in our sex life. What do you think of bringing someone in? And to his credit, there’s a lot of men that just go have sex with someone else.

Unfortunately, infidelity is a thing and a lot of men who want variety but are too ashamed to ask for it, are too scared to ask for it. We’ll just go and do it. So credit to your boyfriend for having the courage to at least bring up the topic and ask the question. Elphina what he’s really asking for here is variety.

And in the Why Men Cheat video, I talk about the different reasons why men wander and, and the different needs that are not being met that can fuel it and in this case this conversation is important for you because it signifies that one of his needs for variety is currently… It’s a bit shaky and this is valuable information for you because if this conversation now just gets turfed away, forgotten about, he’s going to be sitting there thinking about it. He’s probably going to ask you in a year or so.

He’d probably going to keep fantasizing picturing other women. He’s probably going to be having these fantasies ongoingly because I’m not sure how old you are and how long you’ve been together. If this is you and your photo, you do look quite young as well, which means that there’s a lot of relationship time ahead of you. So you want to address this rather than just push it away.

I would be very much having a conversation with him and I’d be talking about variety and what you can do to create more excitement in your relationship because that’s what he’s asking for here. That’s the reality and it’s totally fair for you to say no, I’m not comfortable with that. But you do have to consider his needs as well and have a chat with him.

Has the relationship changed since you guys got together? Right. A lot of relationships fall into a rut after a year or two. It’s like you’re sitting on the couch, you’re watching TV, you’re not doing the exciting things.

Forget sex. You just not doing exciting shit in general. Have a chat to him about that and you can literally say, Hey look, you know when you asked me the other night, I know you’re a bit disappointed and I’m, you know, I’m guessing that you want more excitement and variety maybe not just in, in the relationship but in, in life in general.

And you know, I was thinking about the way we’ve changed over time. We are spending a lot of time on the couch or we are doing not doing as much as we used to. You know, let’s get some of that sh*t back.

Let’s make this exciting and Elphina, I’d be definitely looking to make sex more signing in ways that you can so you might not want to bring in another woman but you can say, look I, I may not be another woman but I reckon we have some pretty good sex and I want to do some, some extra kinky sh*t with you. What would you like to do? Where would you like to try?

What would your fantasy be? Get to open up about stuff he wants to do. Maybe outdoors sex or some bondage play or there’s all sorts of fantasy of role play that there’d be all sorts of things and I’m sure your boyfriend would love to try with you and if he’s wanting more excitement, I reckon he’s going to be really keen and open to that stuff. Watching you pleasure yourself. There’s all sorts of things that I’m sure he would love.

So you can’t be another woman and you can let him know, like, look, honestly, if this is something you really want, if you want to explore something with someone else, you can go and do that. You just can’t do it with me. You can’t do it with me as your girlfriend.

But in most cases, when you say that to a guy, he’s not going to go, Oh, okay, well I’m going to go do that. The fact that you say that goes, no, no, no, I don’t. I don’t want another one.

I just, you know, I want that feeling of excitement? You go, great. What’s your f*cking fantasy? Let’s let’s do something crazy. And building that excitement with him into your relationship, not just in sex, but in everything that you do.

Couple of little add ons. Uh, if you are keen for the threesome, and this probably doesn’t apply to you Alphina, but if you’re out there, your boyfriend’s asked you this and you’ll go, you know what? I’d like to add some excitement. Let’s do it.

Make sure you do set some ground rules. It’s easy to ruin a relationship when this sort of thing happens. So make sure you set some rules, whatever, whatever you’re comfortable with, make sure you set those rules.

And you know, one thing I always encourage is asking your boyfriend, okay, I’m willing to be open to this idea, but are you also willing to be open to the idea of having one with a man? Personally, I’m a big believer what’s good for the goose is good for the gander. And if a guy wants a threesome with another girl and you want to give that to him and you’re an open-minded type sexually and you’re going to be able to handle that, great. But you also have, if you want it the right to ask for a threesome with another guy, that is perfectly reasonable and that might just make him rethink whether or not he actually wants the threesome or not. But he might be totally open to that too.

So a couple of important suggestions there if you are going to bring a threesome into your relationship. Next question’s a good one. And look. It’s a great question but I’m not gonna lie. The real reason I picked this question was this beautiful avatar.

If you know what it is, comment below you are my new favorite subscriber. Let’s get into it. Stacy says, Mark, what do I do if I know that after having sex with him I will be a lot more attracted to him and therefore I will feel so much more pain if he leaves me afterwards.

Do I just not sleep with him until I know for sure my feelings are returned? PS we’ve dated for a month now and we’re on our fifth date coming up. This is a great question, Stacy and this obviously comes from the how to avoid being used for sex video where we talk about having empowered sex on your terms for the right reasons and keeping your standards in place. And look, the first thing that stuck out to me, Stacy, is something that a lot of women struggle with. You’ve got to be able to apply your standards in the same way after sex.

You are going to like someone more after sex so are men as well. The vasopressin that men have when they ejaculate. That release will connect him to you. It can take more time.

It’s sometimes not as powerful, but men do have this effect as well, but you’ve still got to be able to apply your standards despite the feelings that come on because as I’ve said in previous videos, if you’re, if you’re holding a guy to your standards, you’re willing to walk away, if he really betrays you or disrespects you and then you like him so much, that willingness to walk crashes and then you’re no longer willing to leave after sex, then the dynamic is going to change after sex that guy’s going to respect you less. He’s gonna feel less urge to chase you and the dynamic is going to shift. It will become a self fulfilling prophecy.

You still have to be able to put your standards in place after sex you still have to be holding that guy to the same standard. Still asking yourself, is this guy right for me? I know I feel like I like him more now, but I’ve got to look at is he, is he putting in effort into me? Is he respecting me?

Does he have the things that I’m looking for? You’ve still got to be thinking all these questions, is this guy right for me? Rather than going, Oh, how do I win him and keep him now that we’ve had sex? The other important point here, Stacy, which I think is, is fundamental is outcomes and outcome dependency. If you are dependent on someone else’s action, something someone else does for your own happiness, then you are always going to be a potential victim in that situation because you’re relying on something that’s totally outside of your control.

If a man’s actions after sex will always determine your happiness or sadness about the sex, then you’re always going to be at risk of feeling a hell of a lot of pain because you can’t control someone else’s actions. I talk about internal validation a lot and doing things for the right reasons. How can I enjoy my sexuality for me rather than seeing it as something I’m used for?

When you’re enjoying your sexuality for yourself, it’s not going to take the feeling out of it, but it does mean that you’re validated by your own actions and then your happiness or sadness is going to be significantly less based on his actions afterwards. Now it’s often, it’s impossible to take your emotions out entirely and we wouldn‘t want to do that. I don’t talk a lot of personal examples on this channel, but I’m gonna give you a quick personal example from my own life. I’m an emotional guy, so this kind of applies.

Around nine months ago, I met a woman at an event, lovely woman. We clicked really well. I thought, this girl’s great. I really want to get to know her better. Take on a date.

Wasn’t expecting to meet someone like this tonight, but do you know what? This is great. There was great chemistry there, so I asked her home with me that night. She came.

We had a great night together. I was talking about the dates that I wanted to take her on. You know, a place that we wanted to go. Nothing too heavy, but just keen to see you again.

Let’s do this. Never heard from her again. Gave her a couple of calls. One call, one one or two calls, a couple of texts. One was a follow up.

One was, hey, keen to see you again. Nothing. Now I don’t know why she bailed. I’m assuming it’s because I’m terrible in bed, but was I disappointed to not hear from her again, of course I was.

Of course I was. I couldn’t entirely separate my emotions from it. I was disappointed I wanted to take her out.

I obviously was more attached to her after sex and she was to me. However, am I regretting the original decision? No, because the decision wasn’t made based on the outcome. This is so important. The disappointment can be there, but I still have to put my standards in place.

She still wasn’t investing, still wasn’t picking up calls, responding to texts. Well, she wasn’t investing, but I’m not regretting the decision because the decision was made for me. The decision to ask her home was made for me and it wasn’t based on an outcome of having to see her again.

The only way to risk no emotional pain is to just never have sex. You can risk less by leaving it longer, but understand by having sex at all, there’s always that chance that pain will come. The more you can take the outcome out and apply your standards after sex, the less that pain’s going to affect you and the better relationships you’re going to attract in the long run. Plus, you’re going to be having sex for your own reasons rather than playing this defensive game where instead of running from being hurt, you’re doing things because you want to do them.

That to me is the key to female sexual empowerment and that is the way that you’re going to answer this question, Stacy. Great question though. Great question. Mo Mak is the third question, and Mo Mak says how to turn down a male coworker without making things awkward. Mo Mak, the most important thing here is to calibrate it socially.

Okay, if you want to make things awkward, what you want to do is reject him in a way that’s much more significant to him coming forward. He talks to you a bit too often at lunch, right? Or he’s coming over to your cubicle and then you go, hey, I’m not interested in you. Like it’s pretty clear that we’re not compatible. I can’t do this.

It’s like Whoa, right? Full on. Whereas if you’re going, Hey, I’ve got to get back to work and you’re giving the less obvious signs for a less obvious investment from him that’s calibrated and he’s going to get the message.

If he doesn’t get the message, which can happen, then he will ramp up his efforts and that’s when you can ramp up your rejections. So if he comes over to you at lunch, asks you for coffee, something like that, that’s when you can say, Oh, actually look, I wouldn’t date someone at work, so thank you. But no thanks. But I do appreciate the offer. Calibrate your rejections to his advances and you’ll minimize the risk of anything being awkward.

Again, you can’t control someone else’s actions. But that’s the best way to give it the best shot of not being awkward. That’s the most socially calibrated way to do it. And the final question is from Michelle.

Michelle says, how do you make sure it doesn’t impact your friendship with him? I’ve done this and had negative reactions. To put this question in context, this is from the How to Tell a Guy You Like Him video.

So Michelle is asking, how do you make sure when you tell a friend that you like him, it doesn’t, uh, impact your friendship with him? Uh, Michelle, you can’t. You’re shifting the dynamic. You’re intentionally shifting the dynamic and that’s by definition impacting your friendship with him.

Now, you can be cool, you can be relaxed and within if, and this is assuming you get rejected, obviously, within a couple of weeks a month, you act totally cool. Things will be back to normal. But in the immediate time you can’t ensure it’s not going to impact your friendship because by telling a guy you like him, you are impacting the friendship. If you did get rejected, go you first of all for putting yourself out there and then just be totally cool about it. Maybe take a little bit of a break from the friendship and then just come back together in a normal way.

And over time, if you act normal, the guy will bind to your frame. Well, that’s it. Thank you for watching. Hit that big red subscribe button.

Give the video a like if you enjoy it and make sure you leave your comments, thoughts, questions, et cetera, below for next week. Don’t forget to join the Facebook group and I will see you in ask Mark in one week’s time. [Music]

Why Your Boyfriend Wants A Threesome.. And What To Do About It – Ask Mark #41

What do you do if you know that you’re going to like a guy way more after sex and should you then delay sex? What does it mean if your boyfriend asked for a threesome for both you and your relationship? How do you turn down a coworker without things being awkward? And if you like your friend, you tell him and it’s not reciprocated, how do you get the friendship back? Welcome to Ask Mark.

It’s week 41 and we’re here with some really cool questions this week. Make sure you subscribe, hit the big red button, join the Facebook group and let’s get straight into this week’s questions cause they are good ones. The first one is from Elphina and she says, hi Mark.

My boyfriend is asking me to have a threesome with him and another girl. I refused it but I can tell he is disappointed. Why is he asking me this question? Does this mean that I’m not giving him enough on sex? Has he lost interest in me or has he lost interest in me?

Should I have to agree on this in order to not make him cheat in the future? No, you definitely should not have to agree Elphina. You definitely don’t want to be doing this if you’re not comfortable with it. So something like this ruined a lot of relationships.

Occasionally it works, but you absolutely do not move from one little bit have to do this if it’s something you’re not for. With threesomes, if either partner is not for the idea, then the idea gets nerfed. But I do want to talk about what’s going on a bit here because to be fair to your boyfriend, he’s done something that takes some courage.

He’s come to you and he’s basically said, Hey, I want to add some variety into our relationship and in our sex life. What do you think of bringing someone in? And to his credit, there’s a lot of men that just go have sex with someone else. Unfortunately, infidelity is a thing and a lot of men who want variety but are too ashamed to ask for it, are too scared to ask for it.

We’ll just go and do it. So credit to your boyfriend for having the courage to at least bring up the topic and ask the question. Elphina what he’s really asking for here is variety. And in the Why Men Cheat video, I talk about the different reasons why men wander and, and the different needs that are not being met that can fuel it and in this case this conversation is important for you because it signifies that one of his needs for variety is currently… It’s a bit shaky and this is valuable information for you because if this conversation now just gets turfed away, forgotten about, he’s going to be sitting there thinking about it.

He’s probably going to ask you in a year or so. He’d probably going to keep fantasizing picturing other women. He’s probably going to be having these fantasies ongoingly because I’m not sure how old you are and how long you’ve been together.

If this is you and your photo, you do look quite young as well, which means that there’s a lot of relationship time ahead of you. So you want to address this rather than just push it away. I would be very much having a conversation with him and I’d be talking about variety and what you can do to create more excitement in your relationship because that’s what he’s asking for here. That’s the reality and it’s totally fair for you to say no, I’m not comfortable with that. But you do have to consider his needs as well and have a chat with him.

Has the relationship changed since you guys got together? Right. A lot of relationships fall into a rut after a year or two. It’s like you’re sitting on the couch, you’re watching TV, you’re not doing the exciting things.

Forget sex. You just not doing exciting shit in general. Have a chat to him about that and you can literally say, Hey look, you know when you asked me the other night, I know you’re a bit disappointed and I’m, you know, I’m guessing that you want more excitement and variety maybe not just in, in the relationship but in, in life in general.

And you know, I was thinking about the way we’ve changed over time. We are spending a lot of time on the couch or we are doing not doing as much as we used to. You know, let’s get some of that sh*t back. Let’s make this exciting and Elphina, I’d be definitely looking to make sex more signing in ways that you can so you might not want to bring in another woman but you can say, look I, I may not be another woman but I reckon we have some pretty good sex and I want to do some, some extra kinky sh*t with you.

What would you like to do? Where would you like to try? What would your fantasy be? Get to open up about stuff he wants to do. Maybe outdoors sex or some bondage play or there’s all sorts of fantasy of role play that there’d be all sorts of things and I’m sure your boyfriend would love to try with you and if he’s wanting more excitement, I reckon he’s going to be really keen and open to that stuff.

Watching you pleasure yourself. There’s all sorts of things that I’m sure he would love. So you can’t be another woman and you can let him know, like, look, honestly, if this is something you really want, if you want to explore something with someone else, you can go and do that. You just can’t do it with me.

You can’t do it with me as your girlfriend. But in most cases, when you say that to a guy, he’s not going to go, Oh, okay, well I’m going to go do that. The fact that you say that goes, no, no, no, I don’t. I don’t want another one. I just, you know, I want that feeling of excitement?

You go, great. What’s your f*cking fantasy? Let’s let’s do something crazy. And building that excitement with him into your relationship, not just in sex, but in everything that you do. Couple of little add ons.

Uh, if you are keen for the threesome, and this probably doesn’t apply to you Alphina, but if you’re out there, your boyfriend’s asked you this and you’ll go, you know what? I’d like to add some excitement. Let’s do it. Make sure you do set some ground rules.

It’s easy to ruin a relationship when this sort of thing happens. So make sure you set some rules, whatever, whatever you’re comfortable with, make sure you set those rules. And you know, one thing I always encourage is asking your boyfriend, okay, I’m willing to be open to this idea, but are you also willing to be open to the idea of having one with a man?

Personally, I’m a big believer what’s good for the goose is good for the gander. And if a guy wants a threesome with another girl and you want to give that to him and you’re an open-minded type sexually and you’re going to be able to handle that, great. But you also have, if you want it the right to ask for a threesome with another guy, that is perfectly reasonable and that might just make him rethink whether or not he actually wants the threesome or not. But he might be totally open to that too. So a couple of important suggestions there if you are going to bring a threesome into your relationship.

Next question‘s a good one. And look. It’s a great question but I’m not gonna lie.

The real reason I picked this question was this beautiful avatar. If you know what it is, comment below you are my new favorite subscriber. Let’s get into it. Stacy says, Mark, what do I do if I know that after having sex with him I will be a lot more attracted to him and therefore I will feel so much more pain if he leaves me afterwards. Do I just not sleep with him until I know for sure my feelings are returned?

PS we’ve dated for a month now and we’re on our fifth date coming up. This is a great question, Stacy and this obviously comes from the how to avoid being used for sex video where we talk about having empowered sex on your terms for the right reasons and keeping your standards in place. And look, the first thing that stuck out to me, Stacy, is something that a lot of women struggle with.

You’ve got to be able to apply your standards in the same way after sex. You are going to like someone more after sex so are men as well. The vasopressin that men have when they ejaculate. That release will connect him to you.

It can take more time. It’s sometimes not as powerful, but men do have this effect as well, but you’ve still got to be able to apply your standards despite the feelings that come on because as I’ve said in previous videos, if you’re, if you’re holding a guy to your standards, you’re willing to walk away, if he really betrays you or disrespects you and then you like him so much, that willingness to walk crashes and then you’re no longer willing to leave after sex, then the dynamic is going to change after sex that guy’s going to respect you less. He’s gonna feel less urge to chase you and the dynamic is going to shift.

It will become a self fulfilling prophecy. You still have to be able to put your standards in place after sex you still have to be holding that guy to the same standard. Still asking yourself, is this guy right for me? I know I feel like I like him more now, but I’ve got to look at is he, is he putting in effort into me?

Is he respecting me? Does he have the things that I’m looking for? You’ve still got to be thinking all these questions, is this guy right for me? Rather than going, Oh, how do I win him and keep him now that we’ve had sex? The other important point here, Stacy, which I think is, is fundamental is outcomes and outcome dependency.

If you are dependent on someone else’s action, something someone else does for your own happiness, then you are always going to be a potential victim in that situation because you’re relying on something that’s totally outside of your control. If a man’s actions after sex will always determine your happiness or sadness about the sex, then you’re always going to be at risk of feeling a hell of a lot of pain because you can’t control someone else’s actions. I talk about internal validation a lot and doing things for the right reasons.

How can I enjoy my sexuality for me rather than seeing it as something I’m used for? When you’re enjoying your sexuality for yourself, it’s not going to take the feeling out of it, but it does mean that you’re validated by your own actions and then your happiness or sadness is going to be significantly less based on his actions afterwards. Now it’s often, it’s impossible to take your emotions out entirely and we wouldn’t want to do that. I don’t talk a lot of personal examples on this channel, but I’m gonna give you a quick personal example from my own life.

I’m an emotional guy, so this kind of applies. Around nine months ago, I met a woman at an event, lovely woman. We clicked really well. I thought, this girl’s great. I really want to get to know her better.

Take on a date. Wasn’t expecting to meet someone like this tonight, but do you know what? This is great. There was great chemistry there, so I asked her home with me that night. She came.

We had a great night together. I was talking about the dates that I wanted to take her on. You know, a place that we wanted to go.

Nothing too heavy, but just keen to see you again. Let’s do this. Never heard from her again.

Gave her a couple of calls. One call, one one or two calls, a couple of texts. One was a follow up. One was, hey, keen to see you again.

Nothing. Now I don’t know why she bailed. I’m assuming it’s because I’m terrible in bed, but was I disappointed to not hear from her again, of course I was. Of course I was. I couldn’t entirely separate my emotions from it.

I was disappointed I wanted to take her out. I obviously was more attached to her after sex and she was to me. However, am I regretting the original decision? No, because the decision wasn’t made based on the outcome. This is so important.

The disappointment can be there, but I still have to put my standards in place. She still wasn’t investing, still wasn’t picking up calls, responding to texts. Well, she wasn’t investing, but I’m not regretting the decision because the decision was made for me. The decision to ask her home was made for me and it wasn’t based on an outcome of having to see her again.

The only way to risk no emotional pain is to just never have sex. You can risk less by leaving it longer, but understand by having sex at all, there’s always that chance that pain will come. The more you can take the outcome out and apply your standards after sex, the less that pain’s going to affect you and the better relationships you’re going to attract in the long run. Plus, you’re going to be having sex for your own reasons rather than playing this defensive game where instead of running from being hurt, you’re doing things because you want to do them.

That to me is the key to female sexual empowerment and that is the way that you’re going to answer this question, Stacy. Great question though. Great question. Mo Mak is the third question, and Mo Mak says how to turn down a male coworker without making things awkward. Mo Mak, the most important thing here is to calibrate it socially.

Okay, if you want to make things awkward, what you want to do is reject him in a way that’s much more significant to him coming forward. He talks to you a bit too often at lunch, right? Or he’s coming over to your cubicle and then you go, hey, I’m not interested in you. Like it’s pretty clear that we’re not compatible.

I can’t do this. It’s like Whoa, right? Full on. Whereas if you’re going, Hey, I’ve got to get back to work and you’re giving the less obvious signs for a less obvious investment from him that’s calibrated and he’s going to get the message.

If he doesn’t get the message, which can happen, then he will ramp up his efforts and that’s when you can ramp up your rejections. So if he comes over to you at lunch, asks you for coffee, something like that, that’s when you can say, Oh, actually look, I wouldn’t date someone at work, so thank you. But no thanks. But I do appreciate the offer. Calibrate your rejections to his advances and you’ll minimize the risk of anything being awkward.

Again, you can’t control someone else’s actions. But that’s the best way to give it the best shot of not being awkward. That’s the most socially calibrated way to do it. And the final question is from Michelle. Michelle says, how do you make sure it doesn’t impact your friendship with him?

I’ve done this and had negative reactions. To put this question in context, this is from the How to Tell a Guy You Like Him video. So Michelle is asking, how do you make sure when you tell a friend that you like him, it doesn’t, uh, impact your friendship with him? Uh, Michelle, you can’t.

You’re shifting the dynamic. You’re intentionally shifting the dynamic and that’s by definition impacting your friendship with him. Now, you can be cool, you can be relaxed and within if, and this is assuming you get rejected, obviously, within a couple of weeks a month, you act totally cool. Things will be back to normal. But in the immediate time you can’t ensure it’s not going to impact your friendship because by telling a guy you like him, you are impacting the friendship.

If you did get rejected, go you first of all for putting yourself out there and then just be totally cool about it. Maybe take a little bit of a break from the friendship and then just come back together in a normal way. And over time, if you act normal, the guy will bind to your frame.

Well, that’s it. Thank you for watching. Hit that big red subscribe button.

Give the video a like if you enjoy it and make sure you leave your comments, thoughts, questions, et cetera, below for next week. Don’t forget to join the Facebook group and I will see you in ask Mark in one week’s time. [Music]

Why Your Boyfriend Wants A Threesome.. And What To Do About It – Ask Mark #41

What do you do if you know that you’re going to like a guy way more after sex and should you then delay sex? What does it mean if your boyfriend asked for a threesome for both you and your relationship? How do you turn down a coworker without things being awkward?

And if you like your friend, you tell him and it’s not reciprocated, how do you get the friendship back? Welcome to Ask Mark. It’s week 41 and we’re here with some really cool questions this week. Make sure you subscribe, hit the big red button, join the Facebook group and let’s get straight into this week’s questions cause they are good ones.

The first one is from Elphina and she says, hi Mark. My boyfriend is asking me to have a threesome with him and another girl. I refused it but I can tell he is disappointed. Why is he asking me this question? Does this mean that I’m not giving him enough on sex?

Has he lost interest in me or has he lost interest in me? Should I have to agree on this in order to not make him cheat in the future? No, you definitely should not have to agree Elphina. You definitely don’t want to be doing this if you’re not comfortable with it. So something like this ruined a lot of relationships.

Occasionally it works, but you absolutely do not move from one little bit have to do this if it’s something you’re not for. With threesomes, if either partner is not for the idea, then the idea gets nerfed. But I do want to talk about what’s going on a bit here because to be fair to your boyfriend, he’s done something that takes some courage. He’s come to you and he’s basically said, Hey, I want to add some variety into our relationship and in our sex life. What do you think of bringing someone in?

And to his credit, there’s a lot of men that just go have sex with someone else. Unfortunately, infidelity is a thing and a lot of men who want variety but are too ashamed to ask for it, are too scared to ask for it. We’ll just go and do it.

So credit to your boyfriend for having the courage to at least bring up the topic and ask the question. Elphina what he’s really asking for here is variety. And in the Why Men Cheat video, I talk about the different reasons why men wander and, and the different needs that are not being met that can fuel it and in this case this conversation is important for you because it signifies that one of his needs for variety is currently… It’s a bit shaky and this is valuable information for you because if this conversation now just gets turfed away, forgotten about, he’s going to be sitting there thinking about it. He’s probably going to ask you in a year or so.

He’d probably going to keep fantasizing picturing other women. He’s probably going to be having these fantasies ongoingly because I’m not sure how old you are and how long you’ve been together. If this is you and your photo, you do look quite young as well, which means that there’s a lot of relationship time ahead of you. So you want to address this rather than just push it away.

I would be very much having a conversation with him and I’d be talking about variety and what you can do to create more excitement in your relationship because that’s what he’s asking for here. That’s the reality and it’s totally fair for you to say no, I’m not comfortable with that. But you do have to consider his needs as well and have a chat with him. Has the relationship changed since you guys got together? Right.

A lot of relationships fall into a rut after a year or two. It’s like you’re sitting on the couch, you’re watching TV, you’re not doing the exciting things. Forget sex. You just not doing exciting shit in general. Have a chat to him about that and you can literally say, Hey look, you know when you asked me the other night, I know you’re a bit disappointed and I’m, you know, I’m guessing that you want more excitement and variety maybe not just in, in the relationship but in, in life in general.

And you know, I was thinking about the way we’ve changed over time. We are spending a lot of time on the couch or we are doing not doing as much as we used to. You know, let’s get some of that sh*t back. Let’s make this exciting and Elphina, I’d be definitely looking to make sex more signing in ways that you can so you might not want to bring in another woman but you can say, look I, I may not be another woman but I reckon we have some pretty good sex and I want to do some, some extra kinky sh*t with you. What would you like to do?

Where would you like to try? What would your fantasy be? Get to open up about stuff he wants to do.

Maybe outdoors sex or some bondage play or there’s all sorts of fantasy of role play that there’d be all sorts of things and I’m sure your boyfriend would love to try with you and if he’s wanting more excitement, I reckon he’s going to be really keen and open to that stuff. Watching you pleasure yourself. There’s all sorts of things that I’m sure he would love. So you can’t be another woman and you can let him know, like, look, honestly, if this is something you really want, if you want to explore something with someone else, you can go and do that.

You just can’t do it with me. You can’t do it with me as your girlfriend. But in most cases, when you say that to a guy, he’s not going to go, Oh, okay, well I’m going to go do that. The fact that you say that goes, no, no, no, I don’t. I don’t want another one.

I just, you know, I want that feeling of excitement? You go, great. What’s your f*cking fantasy? Let’s let’s do something crazy. And building that excitement with him into your relationship, not just in sex, but in everything that you do.

Couple of little add ons. Uh, if you are keen for the threesome, and this probably doesn’t apply to you Alphina, but if you’re out there, your boyfriend’s asked you this and you’ll go, you know what? I’d like to add some excitement.

Let’s do it. Make sure you do set some ground rules. It’s easy to ruin a relationship when this sort of thing happens. So make sure you set some rules, whatever, whatever you’re comfortable with, make sure you set those rules.

And you know, one thing I always encourage is asking your boyfriend, okay, I’m willing to be open to this idea, but are you also willing to be open to the idea of having one with a man? Personally, I’m a big believer what’s good for the goose is good for the gander. And if a guy wants a threesome with another girl and you want to give that to him and you’re an open-minded type sexually and you’re going to be able to handle that, great. But you also have, if you want it the right to ask for a threesome with another guy, that is perfectly reasonable and that might just make him rethink whether or not he actually wants the threesome or not. But he might be totally open to that too.

So a couple of important suggestions there if you are going to bring a threesome into your relationship. Next question’s a good one. And look. It’s a great question but I’m not gonna lie. The real reason I picked this question was this beautiful avatar.

If you know what it is, comment below you are my new favorite subscriber. Let’s get into it. Stacy says, Mark, what do I do if I know that after having sex with him I will be a lot more attracted to him and therefore I will feel so much more pain if he leaves me afterwards. Do I just not sleep with him until I know for sure my feelings are returned?

PS we’ve dated for a month now and we’re on our fifth date coming up. This is a great question, Stacy and this obviously comes from the how to avoid being used for sex video where we talk about having empowered sex on your terms for the right reasons and keeping your standards in place. And look, the first thing that stuck out to me, Stacy, is something that a lot of women struggle with.

You’ve got to be able to apply your standards in the same way after sex. You are going to like someone more after sex so are men as well. The vasopressin that men have when they ejaculate. That release will connect him to you.

It can take more time. It’s sometimes not as powerful, but men do have this effect as well, but you’ve still got to be able to apply your standards despite the feelings that come on because as I’ve said in previous videos, if you’re, if you’re holding a guy to your standards, you’re willing to walk away, if he really betrays you or disrespects you and then you like him so much, that willingness to walk crashes and then you’re no longer willing to leave after sex, then the dynamic is going to change after sex that guy’s going to respect you less. He’s gonna feel less urge to chase you and the dynamic is going to shift. It will become a self fulfilling prophecy. You still have to be able to put your standards in place after sex you still have to be holding that guy to the same standard.

Still asking yourself, is this guy right for me? I know I feel like I like him more now, but I’ve got to look at is he, is he putting in effort into me? Is he respecting me?

Does he have the things that I’m looking for? You’ve still got to be thinking all these questions, is this guy right for me? Rather than going, Oh, how do I win him and keep him now that we’ve had sex?

The other important point here, Stacy, which I think is, is fundamental is outcomes and outcome dependency. If you are dependent on someone else’s action, something someone else does for your own happiness, then you are always going to be a potential victim in that situation because you’re relying on something that’s totally outside of your control. If a man’s actions after sex will always determine your happiness or sadness about the sex, then you’re always going to be at risk of feeling a hell of a lot of pain because you can’t control someone else’s actions. I talk about internal validation a lot and doing things for the right reasons. How can I enjoy my sexuality for me rather than seeing it as something I’m used for?

When you’re enjoying your sexuality for yourself, it’s not going to take the feeling out of it, but it does mean that you’re validated by your own actions and then your happiness or sadness is going to be significantly less based on his actions afterwards. Now it’s often, it’s impossible to take your emotions out entirely and we wouldn’t want to do that. I don’t talk a lot of personal examples on this channel, but I’m gonna give you a quick personal example from my own life.

I’m an emotional guy, so this kind of applies. Around nine months ago, I met a woman at an event, lovely woman. We clicked really well. I thought, this girl’s great.

I really want to get to know her better. Take on a date. Wasn’t expecting to meet someone like this tonight, but do you know what? This is great.

There was great chemistry there, so I asked her home with me that night. She came. We had a great night together. I was talking about the dates that I wanted to take her on.

You know, a place that we wanted to go. Nothing too heavy, but just keen to see you again. Let’s do this. Never heard from her again.

Gave her a couple of calls. One call, one one or two calls, a couple of texts. One was a follow up. One was, hey, keen to see you again.

Nothing. Now I don’t know why she bailed. I’m assuming it’s because I’m terrible in bed, but was I disappointed to not hear from her again, of course I was. Of course I was. I couldn’t entirely separate my emotions from it.

I was disappointed I wanted to take her out. I obviously was more attached to her after sex and she was to me. However, am I regretting the original decision?

No, because the decision wasn’t made based on the outcome. This is so important. The disappointment can be there, but I still have to put my standards in place. She still wasn’t investing, still wasn’t picking up calls, responding to texts.

Well, she wasn’t investing, but I’m not regretting the decision because the decision was made for me. The decision to ask her home was made for me and it wasn’t based on an outcome of having to see her again. The only way to risk no emotional pain is to just never have sex. You can risk less by leaving it longer, but understand by having sex at all, there’s always that chance that pain will come.

The more you can take the outcome out and apply your standards after sex, the less that pain’s going to affect you and the better relationships you’re going to attract in the long run. Plus, you’re going to be having sex for your own reasons rather than playing this defensive game where instead of running from being hurt, you’re doing things because you want to do them. That to me is the key to female sexual empowerment and that is the way that you’re going to answer this question, Stacy. Great question though.

Great question. Mo Mak is the third question, and Mo Mak says how to turn down a male coworker without making things awkward. Mo Mak, the most important thing here is to calibrate it socially. Okay, if you want to make things awkward, what you want to do is reject him in a way that’s much more significant to him coming forward. He talks to you a bit too often at lunch, right?

Or he’s coming over to your cubicle and then you go, hey, I’m not interested in you. Like it’s pretty clear that we’re not compatible. I can’t do this. It’s like Whoa, right? Full on.

Whereas if you’re going, Hey, I’ve got to get back to work and you’re giving the less obvious signs for a less obvious investment from him that’s calibrated and he’s going to get the message. If he doesn’t get the message, which can happen, then he will ramp up his efforts and that’s when you can ramp up your rejections. So if he comes over to you at lunch, asks you for coffee, something like that, that’s when you can say, Oh, actually look, I wouldn’t date someone at work, so thank you. But no thanks. But I do appreciate the offer.

Calibrate your rejections to his advances and you’ll minimize the risk of anything being awkward. Again, you can’t control someone else’s actions. But that’s the best way to give it the best shot of not being awkward. That’s the most socially calibrated way to do it. And the final question is from Michelle.

Michelle says, how do you make sure it doesn’t impact your friendship with him? I’ve done this and had negative reactions. To put this question in context, this is from the How to Tell a Guy You Like Him video. So Michelle is asking, how do you make sure when you tell a friend that you like him, it doesn’t, uh, impact your friendship with him?

Uh, Michelle, you can’t. You’re shifting the dynamic. You’re intentionally shifting the dynamic and that’s by definition impacting your friendship with him. Now, you can be cool, you can be relaxed and within if, and this is assuming you get rejected, obviously, within a couple of weeks a month, you act totally cool.

Things will be back to normal. But in the immediate time you can’t ensure it’s not going to impact your friendship because by telling a guy you like him, you are impacting the friendship. If you did get rejected, go you first of all for putting yourself out there and then just be totally cool about it. Maybe take a little bit of a break from the friendship and then just come back together in a normal way. And over time, if you act normal, the guy will bind to your frame.

Well, that’s it. Thank you for watching. Hit that big red subscribe button.

Give the video a like if you enjoy it and make sure you leave your comments, thoughts, questions, et cetera, below for next week. Don’t forget to join the Facebook group and I will see you in ask Mark in one week’s time. [Music]

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