The Susan Bratton Show: How To Get Your Partner To Initiate Sex

Relationships

Welcome to the Susan Bratton show. I am your host Susan Bratton, trusted hot sex adviser to millions, dressed up as the motivation magician today, because this episode is called ‘How Do I Get My Partner To Dot Dot Dot, Question Mark, Fill In The Blank.’ You want something your partner doesn’t. How do you get him to do it in the bedroom? Alright, so I’ve got a few fans who’ve emailed me. This one is from Scott and he says I have some pretty strong fantasies I’d like to fulfill that are a little much for my wife at this time, mainly swinging and the variety of activities you can experience in the lifestyle.

Thanks to you, I’ve learned to refocus my passion onto my wife and make her feel all the feelings she really needs to make her feel special, emotionally connected, beautiful and ravished with as much bliss as I can open her up. Good job, Scott. Also, hormone replacement therapy is working wonderfully for both her and myself.

Excellent. I guess I’m looking for a roadmap to make this happen in a way that’s fun for her and not forced or inorganic. In conversation, the topic ends in meltdowns more often than not.

It goes against her core values about what marriage means to her. Well, I respect that. I obviously have a different take on it and believe that it can intensify the bond between each other if done the right way or a certain way. She’s agreed to do some roleplay with the swinging and/or hot wife theme without doing it in real life which is something we’ve never really done, and I’m sure she’s nervous about.https://www.flirt.com/

Welcome to the Susan Bratton show. I am your host Susan Bratton, trusted hot sex adviser to millions, dressed up as the motivation magician today, because this episode is called ‘How Do I Get My Partner To Dot Dot Dot, Question Mark, Fill In The Blank.’ You want something your partner doesn’t. How do you get him to do it in the bedroom? Alright, so I’ve got a few fans who’ve emailed me. This one is from Scott and he says I have some pretty strong fantasies I’d like to fulfill that are a little much for my wife at this time, mainly swinging and the variety of activities you can experience in the lifestyle.

Thanks to you, I’ve learned to refocus my passion onto my wife and make her feel all the feelings she really needs to make her feel special, emotionally connected, beautiful and ravished with as much bliss as I can open her up. Good job, Scott. Also, hormone replacement therapy is working wonderfully for both her and myself.

Excellent. I guess I’m looking for a roadmap to make this happen in a way that’s fun for her and not forced or inorganic. In conversation, the topic ends in meltdowns more often than not.

It goes against her core values about what marriage means to her. Well, I respect that. I obviously have a different take on it and believe that it can intensify the bond between each other if done the right way or a certain way. She’s agreed to do some roleplay with the swinging and/or hot wife theme without doing it in real life which is something we’ve never really done, and I’m sure she’s nervous about.

The only thing for us that comes close is dirty talk. My personal favorite. Anyway, I’ve never responded to your emails before and if this is not something you really touch on, then my apologies. You don’t know till you ask, right?

Love, Scott. Well, Scott, first of all, thank you so much for writing to me because I think you are absolutely on the right track. First of all, you’re filling your wife up with wonderful sexual experiences and relationship experiences. So, you’re doing amazing job with that.

The second thing is you’re being vulnerable. You’re saying “Hey I’d really like to have these experiences,” and she’s being vulnerable and saying “Hey, that scares the crap out of me and it goes against what I think monogamy is,” so you have great communication which I really appreciate. The second thing that you’ve done or maybe the third thing by now that you’ve done all so well is that you’re thinking about this as role play, and usually what I do is I have a step before that.

You mentioned that you like dirty talk. One of the things that I think is really nice to do is to give your woman a genital massage. Lay her down and just really go to town on her, and give her all kinds of incredible manual pleasure and tell her dirty stories of your fantasies about the lifestyle. You said in your message the variety of activities you can experience.

Well, what I think you should do is you should just start giving her orgasms while you’re telling her a dirty story about one of those experiences. Just make it all up and then the next time, do another one and the next time, do another one. What’s gonna happen is that it’s actually going to desensitize her to the idea because she’s going to become more familiar with what it is, what it is she’s gonna start to understand, what is in your head that’s turning you on, what the scenes are that are your fantasies, and there might be one in there where she’s like “Oh, that actually sounds really fun now that you’ve really explained it to me.” I think it’s the fear of the unknown that’s a big part of it. The second thing is that you’re not actually going out and doing it.

You’re just talking about it. That really helps, and then I would recommend doing the fantasy roleplay, because it’s gonna be hard for her to know what to do until you’ve described it to her, and as you’ve described it to her, you could ask her “Well, what was your favorite part? Did any of that turn you on?

What kind of things did you like? Did you have any fantasies about it and if it’s just fantasy and there’s never any expectation that she actually does it, I’ll bet she’ll come up with some things that could turn her on, and then maybe she can start telling you fantasies while giving you a Lingam massage, and you can just enjoy the pleasure of her touch while she’s telling you things that are fantasies for her. They might not have anything to do with lifestyle but they could be things that are just exciting fantasies for her.

You want to get her fantasy motor purring. That’s the fun part and then when you get to the point where there’s roleplay, when you’re just pretending in the safety of your home with just the two of you, she’s gonna have a much better idea what that roleplay might look like. So, that would be the third thing, and then the fourth thing would be “Why don’t you just go out to a swinging club,” and don’t plan on doing anything, because you can just go and look. It’s okay to just look. You don’t have to participate.

A lot of people feel like if I go, people are gonna make me an offer and then I’m gonna feel weird. Well, you’d be surprised that you won’t get offers because you’re new. They want you to get comfortable so people aren’t going to be coming up to you making offers, and if they do, all you can do is say “I really appreciate you making an offer. It’s our first time at a lifestyle thing and we’re here taking it all in.

We’re not even sure if we want to do it. It’s just kind of we’re just checking it out, and so you’ve been so kind to make us an offer, because that just makes us feel really good. I don’t think we’re ready for it, but we’d love to get to know you better, and thank you so much for your warm invitation.” Right, that’s all you have to do.

Just say no in a super nice way, and that way you’re essentially feeling the experiences and they’re fueling your connection with each other while you learn about it, and then someday you may decide to actually have a partnership with another couple or you may decide “No, it’s not really where we wanted to be. We really don’t want to go out to those things, but boy we wouldn’t mind having a threesome or doing parallel-play with another couple, where you just make love beside each other without touching each other or sharing each other. I mean there’s lots of ways to on-ramp this, and what happens with guys and this is kind of the thing that you’ve somewhat done well, but where testosterone makes you go for the goal. You just want to go out and have sex at a lifestyle club.

Well, your wife is way back here going “What!” and you can’t help yourself. That’s testosterone. So, testosterone is making you think about the end game, but for her, she’s thinking about all the things that can go wrong because that’s estrogen, and so if you stair-step it up very slowly, you might find yourself get more than you bargained for because that’s what happens with us girls once you get the motor running. All hell breaks loose!

Number two. My name is Christy and my fiance is 38 and I am 42, and we used to have sex all the time but he just hasn’t wanted it in a while. Does that mean he is losing interest?

It could be or it could be that he’s losing testosterone. He’s 40. She’s 38 and stuff starts to go south.

You start to get old. I’d have his testosterone levels checked because that’s what makes guys horny. it’s testosterone. So, the first thing I do is I would watch my videos on which hormone tests to get, how to replace testosterone naturally, the difference between exogenous testosterone, and I would get his hormones checked. and I would talk to him. “Hey, do you still find me attractive? Is there anything you need to talk about?

Are you upset about anything?” You just got to get talking about this stuff. It could be that he’s having erectile dysfunction. It’s not a lack of libido but it’s a lack of ability. In that case, I would definitely recommend taking him and getting him some Gains Wave treatments as well as a P-shot and using a penis pump because that triple combination of sexual restoration of his penile tissue will really bring back his bangin’ boner, and it can be a combination of testosterone and erectile dysfunction, in which case, he needs to clean up his nutrition.

It’s no more french fries. He’s got a go for a walk every day. He’s got to really rework his own hormone production because at 38, he’s pretty young. So, there’s plenty of time left for him to get out and pump some iron, do some high-intensity interval training, do the things that create hormones naturally. That’s called endogenous hormones.

So there you go. Don’t worry. Here’s what I’ve noticed. Guys think it’s her problem when there’s a problem generally, and women think it’s her fault when there’s a problem.

So, here’s what you said. You said I’m worried he’s losing interest in me. No, he’s not losing interest in you.

He’s got some other issue most likely. So, don’t say it’s you. It’s probably not and just start talking to him.

Alright, let me know how you do. I’m expecting you to have hot sex very soon. Alright, the next one is “I’m 47. My libido is very depressed. I don’t know why.

Sex is about to feel boring and I don’t want this.” Now, this was from a man. He’s 47. His libido’s depressed. He doesn’t know why.

Same thing. Get your testosterone checked because that is probably exactly what is going on with you. That’s enough said about that.

We’ve already gone through it. Next. I’m a 60- year-old man with a wife of 35 years. Well, good for you daddy.

With a body that doesn’t respond to sexual stimulation. She has no desire for sex. That’s why none of your products will work on her and why my sex is over. But thanks for trying to help. Well, Mr.

60-year-old man, you certainly are a negative person. You’ve given up before you’ve tried. You have no idea of all the things that can be done to get a woman turned on.

It is, darling, a lack of skill. It is a lack of knowledge. It is possibly trauma that has happened to her and you can help her heal that and reverse it. If it’s trauma, then watch my videos on trauma with Arielle on full embodiment. We talk to you about how to heal a partner who’s had trauma.

If it’s illness of some kind or vaginal pain, you can fix the illness. You can fix the vaginal pain. Watch my videos on that. If your body doesn’t respond to sexual stimulation, it could be that you don’t turn her on.

It could be that there’s nothing wrong with her except that she’s not attracted to you. So, that’s where you have to understand is it a lack of chemistry or did she get mad at you about something, or her relationship needs being met by you, and I don’t mean this is all your fault. By no means is it, but you’re looking for the answers and I’m just telling you. So one of the first things is that you have to make sure that there isn’t something that’s missing in her overall relationship with you. So, this is my book Relationship Magic, and Relationship Magic teaches you to understand what she needs most in the relationship and what you need most in a relationship, and once you understand what she needs most, and this is like the top four things which gets you 80% of the way there, then you start getting up every day and fulfilling her overall relationship needs, and she gets up every day and fulfills your overall relationship needs.

Then, if one of your relationship needs is affection, attention, passionate lovemaking, she’ll understand that she needs to do something about the fact that she’s not creating that with you. So, first thing you want to do is you want to check and make sure your relationship overall is is on the right footing, and I guarantee you there are some things where you’re not getting your needs met and she’s not getting your needs met. Then, you want to check for trauma, pain, bad health. You got to work on that if that’s a problem, and then you have to ask her is it chemistry.

Is there something I could be doing for you? A lot of women they get bored with their partner. It’s not about outside the bedroom. It’s just that you’re not ravishing her. You’re not pouring her the level that she needs to be pleasured.

She’s gotten bored with sex. Intercourse feels great to you but it might not be giving her orgasms. It could be that maybe if it used to be good and it’s no longer good, it’s likely boredom unless it’s any of the other things I mentioned. If it’s never been good, then it’s probably a trauma of some kind. You can go to aasect.org.

AASECT dot o-r-g, and find a sexual therapist in your area to help her overcome her trauma. So, really what you have to do is you have to figure out the why and then you can figure out what to do, but don’t ignore it, because she’s only 35 years old. You need to fix this problem, and a lot of times for the person who is the low libido partner, they don’t feel like there’s a fix, but I can tell you that there’s always a fix.

You just don’t know what the fix is because you haven’t figured out what the problem is. So, first figure out the problem then figure out the fix. If you get some more information, you can write to me again and I’ll help you figure out what to do next. Alright. The next one is “I love following you and getting your regular emails.

I credit Allana Pratt for saving my marriage and ultimately leading me to you and yours, just following the email and Instagram. I’m 51 and I assume I’m going through menopause because I have very irregular periods every three to four months and definitely feel that I have low energy and decreased libido. I had hormone levels and all blood work nine months ago and all was normal except thyroid. I started working on my thyroid and I have more energy.

I’m working out and I’m feeling strong and healthy but my libido still seems blah. Even though I adore and love my husband, he wants me to initiate. I want more snuggle time or just time where touch doesn’t lead to immediate groping and sex. I feel I avoid snuggling or even loving hugs or touches because if I do, it’s automatic groping and he wants sex. I want to initiate.

I want to please him but I also just want times when I enjoy being just touched. Makes sense? Or am I crazy? Oh mama, you not crazy.

You are totally normal. Trust me. So, let’s unpack a few things. things the first one is your hormones The first one is that your hormones are probably low because of the standard of care.

If you’re within this low level of hormones, then your doctor‘s like “You’re in that level but you’re not optimized in your hormones.” So, what you want to be is optimized in your hormones. You want progesterone, testosterone, estrogen. You might be low in oxytocin not just thyroid.

You want to look at your melatonin. You want to look at your cortisol levels. All of those things feed into the overall hormonal balance.

I have a feeling that if your thyroid is messed up that you’re dumping a whole bunch of cortisol from stress and that’s been messing up your thyroid. This is just a guess; I’m not a doctor nor do I play one on television. I play the marriage magician, right?

I just listen to what all the doctors say. I just take all this stuff in and when there’s smoke there’s fire, which means the thyroid is not the only thing, but standard allopathic care has these numbers, and the numbers are really low. They’re not enough for a lot of women. You probably have almost no testosterone because you haven’t been having sex with your husband. He gives that to you.

You could have gut issues, you could have detox problems if you’re not pooping really well. I mean there’s a lot of reasons. They’re actually called over use.

An overproduction of cortisol does this thing called a ? which actually takes your estrogen and testosterone and uses it to make cortisol. So, all your hormones are probably low. Watch my videos on what hormone tests to get, what hormone numbers to look at, and then go back and ask your doctor to do everything again. do a dried urine test, not just a blood test because blood tests are just your free hormones not the bound hormones, and how your methylating your hormones. So, you need to do a little more digging into that. I’ll give you an e-book I have.

It’s called hormone balancing. It’ll be in a link below this video and that will guide you in understanding all of the things that you need to do and ask your doctor so that you get the level of care that is not just standard but optimal. Second thing.

Your husband is testosterone. You’re estrogen-oriented so he wants you immediately to touch his penis. You don’t like when he grabs your crotch. He doesn’t know any better. He’s just doing to you what he wants.

He’s playing the golden rule, not the platinum rule. He’s doing to you what he wants instead of doing to you what you want. So, start grabbing his penis but while he’s holding you, just pleasure him, give him manual pleasuring.

If you don’t feel like having sex, don’t have sex. Teach him how to build your arousal. He doesn’t understand.

He’s a different creature. He’s like John Gray’s Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. He’s from a different planet than you are. That’s the perfect analogy.

So, I’m going to give you another technique. It’s a book. I’ll put the link below this video. It’s called the Soulmate Embrace and I actually wrote it for you to give to your male-bodied partner so that he can learn how to hold his woman the way she needs to be held.

I want you guys to practice that a minimum of ten times and tell him that it may not lead to sex, that you don’t want to be held just to get sex. You want him to hold you in this Sexual Soulmate Embrace and you just want to be held. You don’t want to have to worry that he’s gonna try to grab you. You want to be able to relax with him. That relaxation is the the beginning of arousal.

He doesn’t need to get you going. He needs to relax you and hold you tenderly. Let me see what else there is.

He wants you to initiate. Well, that’s not your job. Your job is to respond.

His job is to learn how to arouse you. So, you start the soulmate embrace, you get your hormones organized, you learn how to slowly have him arouse your body. Full body touch, lots of massage. These are the things you need. He just doesn’t know.

I want you to to go on your journey together learning how to slow everything down. More touch, more arousal and he’ll learn things. I’d recommend that you to watch my Steamy Sex Ed, I’ve got it right here. Hang on, my Steamy Sex Ed video collection. This collection is a series of over 200 advanced lovemaking techniques.

It shows you sensual massage, then genital massage, then oral pleasure, then lovemaking, and what’s important for you to know is that you need a lot of sensual massage. Women need a lot of full-body touch. He just doesn’t know how to do it and this shows you how to do it.

He needs a lot of penis-touching, penis pleasuring. This shows you how to pleasure him manually as well as orally as well as some really fun lovemaking techniques. You guys just need to learn some skills. You’ll be totally fine.

You’re on the right track and good for you for doing so many great things to keep good care of yourself and good for you for being a wife that wants to stay committed and sexy with your husband. You can do it. You’re on the right track. I believe in you. You report back to me and let me know how things are going.

In a couple months, you’re not gonna believe how good they can get. Alright, links to the Steamy Sex Ed collection will be below as well. I am the motivation magician in this video, and this is the Susan Bratton show. Thank you so much for watching.

I’ll see you on the next episode.

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